The War Room

MANDY AND KHALID

The following is the first in a series of conversations heard between two young students on the University of Toronto campus. It was as usual captured by our intrepid agent in the field.

Mandy: White, 21, always renews her prescription of Alesse.
Khalid: Third generation Muslim, 20, has an affinity for Steven Seagal action films and McDonald’s.

MANDY: Omigod! I am so sorry to hear about the terrorist threats.

KHALID: Me too.

MANDY: Do you feel threatened by the backlash?

KHALID: No. Not really.

MANDY: But what about the racist attack on the mosque?

KHALID: The media are saying otherwise but the truth is; we do not know who vandalized the mosque or why.

MANDY: Probably some right wing bigot. Nazi’s! Fascists! Zut alors!

KHALID: It’s not as simple as that.

MANDY: What are you talkin’ about? It’s you they’ll come after next.

KHALID: I’m not afraid. I’m not even that religious. My favourite movie is True Lies and I look forward to Under Siege 3. Seagal is a god amongst men!

MANDY: But seriously, do you not think this will lead to a new era in Canada where our cherished diversity and multiculturalism will be questioned?

KHALID: Canada’s diversity and multiculturalism may be the problem.

MANDY: What! I can’t believe I heard you say that.

KHALID: But it’s true. When Canadians are told that their culture is not worth keeping and that it is inherently racist and bigoted, it leads to some immigrants believing that they are oppressed…even when they are not.

MANDY: But that sounds like something a racist would say. Khalid, are you a racist?

KHALID: I’m Khalid. And Khalid thinks for himself.

MANDY: But do you at least not sympathize a little bit with your brothers.

KHALID: Now you’re being condescending. I’ll leave that sort of nonsense to a true fool like James Loney. The accused are not my brothers, nor do I believe in their ideology of hate.

MANDY: Ideology of hate! But Islam is a religion of peace. They were motivated by oppression and how they see their brothers and sisters tortured by a proto-fascist Canadian…

KHALID: Mandy, get a grip. We are in Afghanistan to do good. These people, if found guilty, were not motivated by oppression and what they see. They are mostly middle class and from the suburbs. The most oppression they saw in their life was when they were told by their Mullah they couldn’t chase girls on a Friday night.

MANDY: And you call yourself a practicing Muslim?

KHALID: No, actually I don’t. I even tasted elephant once on a family safari vacation and had brandy flavoured ice-cream at my cousins graduation.

MANDY: So, what’s you’re point.

KHALID: You’re so enlightened. Most of these kids are as influenced by the white media who keep telling them how evil and racist the West is as they are their faith. Personally, I think the CBC and the Toronto Star are as much to blame as their religion. In this case as least. On most days they seem like satellite operations for Hamas; or worse, George Clooney.

MANDY: And can you imagine if they actually bombed the CBC!

KHALID: Well, I guess fundamentalist Islam does have some virtues.

MANDY: What!

KHALID : Just kidding.

MANDY: You said something before that disturbed me. If too many Canadians think that they were motivated by their faith, do we not risk people not thinking Islam is a religion of peace?

KHALID: It’s up to the moderate Muslims to come forward. It’s in their hands. They have to admit that there is a systemic problem in a certain strain of Islam.

MANDY: But what about Christians? We don’t make them all suspects because of the thousands of abortion clinics that get bombed every year by Evangelicals in Canada.

KAHLID: Mandy, you certainly are a product of the public school system. There have been under five actual attempted abortion clinic bombings in North America in over three decades. And didn’t the Liberals just run two campaigns based on fear of Evangelicals?

MANDY: Yeah, well look at all the oppression Catholics have done for two thousand years. I recently found out that Catholics slaughtered 100 million women during medieval times in order to silence those who knew the truth about Jesus Christ.

KHALID: And what was that truth?

MANDY: That Jesus had a baby with Mary Magdalene and ended up in France with a Royal bloodline. Catholics really are malignant fuc…

KHALID: What was that about bigotry you said? Seems like someone has been watching too many Hollywood movies. There were roughly 5000 witch burnings. Nothing to be proud of…but hey, Castro is responsible for more than that with the Cuban revolution.

MANDY: Well, I guess time will only tell what happens.

KHALID: What needs to happen is a commitment to our Prime Minister and our Law Enforcement agencies to make sure Canada is no longer a safe haven for terrorists. We also need to make sure that we don’t get bogged down in liberal political correctness and worry about being called a bigot or a racist. We need to speak the truth.

MANDY: I guess that kinda makes sense.

KHALID: We also need to encourage moderate Muslims to condemn these acts. I know they exist, but if nobody speaks up, nobody will know.

MANDY: Take care, Khalid. I still think you are being too kind on Canada and the West.

KHALID: Canada is the greatest nation on the planet, Mandy. Perhaps if more ‘progressives’ believed that, we could start to tackle this problem together.

posted by Nicol DuMoulin @ 7:34 AM