I WANNA BE A PROGRESSIVE!
I know many people are talking today about the census report concerning the changing definitions of institutions. How the term family and marriage should be elastic so as to be inclusive for everyone.Well, I tell you what, I am tired of fighting a battle no one wants to fight, so I'll pick a new one.
I want to be called a progressive!
Progressives are considered nice, happy shiny people who love everybody and want to save the planet. Not calling everyone a progressive is divisive. It implies that if you do not have progressive views you are evil, one dimensional and want to hurt the planet. I think that fosters hate between people.
I know I know;
I question man made global warming. I have a traditional marriage. I do not believe animals have equal rights to humans. I think Sarah Silverman is lame. I no longer listen to Pearl Jam and roll my eyes everytime I pass an organics store. I think Lulu Lemon is obnoxious, Michel Foucault was full of crap and Che is a communist butcher. I also get physically nauseous at the sight of Sean Penn and his cigarette stained face. I love to look at the aesthetics of women and never think of men in the same way.
But I wanna be a progressive because I like how they are treated.
And if you disagree with me you are a fascist, warthog, neanderthal pig with stale porridge coming out of your ears.
There, now I am a progressive.
posted by Nicol DuMoulin @ 10:53 AM
3 Comments:
If you really want to be a "progressive", you're going to have to do better than that.
Before they will welcome you into the "progressive" club, you also need to hate all things American, and believe everything reported on the CBC or the Toronto Star.
Oh yeah, and nothing is good unless it is state-funded.
All hail the progressives! Vote Liberal and Death to America!
Warning: This product contains false analogies and straw men. Anyone consuming this product with logical fallacy sensitivities could become extremely mentally ill. Use with caution.
I tried going Progressive for a while. But then my adult side kicked back in.
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