MATERNAL DEMOCRACY
So, as I have announced here previously, my wife and I are having our first wonderful child, due in May. We cannot wait to meet her.Now, my wife is taking maternity classes just up the road from us and while she has nothing but great things to say about the establishment where they take place, the other day she had an interesting story.
She said that many women were requesting that their husbands be allowed to take the class with them. The instructor then said they would put it to a vote.
The result:
Every woman wanted their husband present except for one single mother who said it would make her feel awkward.
Guess what that meant?
No men allowed.
I respect that the single mother is going through the process she is and think she should be given much love and respect. But the fact that the vote meant the one outweighed the majority says much about the nature or child rearing in progressive Canada and especially in a liberal city like Toronto.
The feelings of the single mother or the "other" were what was ultimately deemed important. Not the desires of the majority of mothers. Not the welfare of the babies. Not the presence of the fathers or some 'traditional' notion of family.
On the bright side, I do take some solace in the fact that the majority of women did want fathers present.
Culturally, that does mean something. And as I have said all along in my writing here, culture is what matters most.
posted by Nicol DuMoulin @ 3:57 AM
8 Comments:
I can't believe this. Having your husband there is so important. How are you going to learn how to coach her with the breathing?
The single mother could have a friend with her, or a female relative.
What if there were two lesbians. Would they both be allowed? If so, that wouldn't be fair either because then one mother would have her partner and the others wouldn't.
Since when are father's not allowed to take birthing classes with their wives/partners?? Yikes!
My husband was in birthing class with me 32 years ago - have we gone backwards?
My understanding is that the fathers get to come in for one class at the end.
The reason we chose this establishment is because it is just up the street for my wife and easy to get to.
Incidentally, I have found this whole process a bit of a mixed bag in Toronto. Not the preganancy, which is wonderful, but the progressive institutions we have to deal with.
My wife sees us as a team, as do I. Yet, at every turn in Toronto, it seems the fathe is not allowed or not assumed to be included in the process. When we go to the doctor's visits, rarely am I even acknowledged with even a hello or in some cases, eye contact. In one instance I was standing right beside my wife and the nurse asked information about 'the father' as though I wasn't even there.
Again, there are exceptions. The student doctor we had observing us a few weeks ago was great. But he was Chinese and therefore has a different mindset, then that of the Toronto "urban white sophisticate".
Again, I do not want to paint everyone medical staff person like this and I am sure there are other men who perhaps had different experiences, but these have been mine.
Even the overwhelming majority of literature we have been given makes no mention of fathers or males. Especially if it is government produced.
Again, I do not want to overstate, but it does say much about the culture of how progressives see families.
Thanks for the comment. And sorry about the typos. Haven't had my first coffee yet.
My understanding is that the classes in question ( at this location) are structured in such a way that the father's are only allowed to come in at the end for breathing etc.
I have no idea if this is typical or the norm at other facilities in Toronto, but this was the nearest location to us.
Thanks for the comment.
So it wasn't about what is best for the birth of the child, but about the women. Who is surprised by this, many women have been putting themselves before children for about 20 years now.
Seeems that if the Titanic went down instead of women and children first, it would be ask the women if they WANT to take the children.
Good luck with the new bundle and pop by my site when you're feeling left out because your a parent in society.
Sara,
Thank you. I will certainly drop by.
Great comment, Sara.
Nicol, they will let you in the delivery room right? I hope we haven't regressed that far yet.
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